


Christmas Miracles

by thepromiseimadetoyou



Category: Portal (Video Game), Portal Stories: Mel - Fandom
Genre: Androids, Christmas Party, Gen, Hints of Virgil's crush on Rainbow, Portal Secret Santa, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 22:46:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9038078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepromiseimadetoyou/pseuds/thepromiseimadetoyou
Summary: Christmas. A stupid human holiday that GLaDOS has no intent on celebrating. After all, there is testing to be done and science waits for no-one. This is why the discovery of the events in the rejected core room irks her so. It’s a human holiday. Why in the name of science are these broken excuses for AIs celebrating?!
Or,
That time Virgil tried to throw a holiday party for the other cores and it was pure chaos.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A gift for drawinggalaxy on Tumblr as part of the Portal Secret Santa. Merry Christmas and I hope you enjoy!

Christmas. A stupid human holiday that GLaDOS has no intent on celebrating. After all, there is testing to be done and science waits for no-one. This is why the discovery of the events in the rejected core room irks her so. It’s a human holiday. Why in the name of science are these broken excuses for AIs celebrating?!

The security camera zooms in so she may scan each aspect of the situation, assess the time cost for necessary repairs, and count just how many cores need to be removed from the rejected room and instead thrown into Android Hell.

At least eight participating, and if she zooms far enough there might be three more sitting out the _festivities_ . Good. At least they have some sense. Or they’re more broken than the rest. She doesn’t care, only that this mess come to an end. Partying is _not_ science! And so the intercom channel is opened to relay a message…  


* * *

  
Honestly it’s a miracle they’ve been allowed to keep this going so long. Well, he’s not going to complain about not being noticed. You take what miracles you’re given here in Aperture, which is actually not all that many. It’s why they’re called miracles.

It’s another reason he’d wanted to host the Christmas Party somewhere in his testing track -She never looks there- but that had proven too difficult for some of the other cores to get to. Namely the main trio of the reject room. It had been hard enough rescuing the missing four from the incinerator. He’s just thankful that none of the scientists were ever smart enough to realize that the flames never reached 4,000 degrees kelvin. Still, sitting around in a pit of fire for years isn’t something he would wish on anyone, even GLaDOS herself. He’s still got burn marks from the venture.

“Heya, Virgil, right?” a deep voice says before an arm is slung over his shoulder.

He pushes it off and turns to see which core wants his attention. Oh god there are so many cores he doesn’t know and this one hasn’t come in for repairs. Uh, let’s see… Green eyes, brown hair, and some weird hat that reminds him of what humans called ‘cowboys’. “Yee _ess_...” he replies, dragging out the word until the other’s name comes to mind. “Rick! It’s Rick, isn’t it?”

“One and only.” Smug tone. _Love_ ly.

“What is it?” Virgil asks with a sigh. It was supposed to be a party but even with GLaDOS leaving them alone it’s only been chaos. It’s draining. Is he really the only non-corrupt core left in the facility? Just looking around the room he can see the others have formed groups of compatible personalities, which only exaggerates their worst traits. The talkative ones get overly loud, the rambunctious ones get wild ideas, and he’s left just being thankful for the group of quiet ones, small as it is.

Some cores have split off though. A talkative and clumsy blue one went to hit up everyone, trying to join every conversation he could hear. It didn’t work out. Virgil recalls Rick chatting up Rainbow earlier, about what he’s not sure he wants to know. And then there was the purple rescuee core who had been keeping an eye on the red rescuee stuck in a constant pissed off state. Quite a pair, those two.

Directing his thoughts back to the present, the maintenance core watches Rick throw a thumb back over his shoulder to a scene unfolding between a small blond core, a small ginger one, a tall blue one, and the tinsel Virgil had found in an old office closet. “Space and Curi are wonderin’ when Santa’s comin’ an’ Wheats an’ I dunno what to tell ‘em. Woulda bothered Fact but he ain’t keen on leavin’ Cakey be.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Little did Virgil know that this would only become the start of his tenure as ‘core babysitter’. As the oldest personality core and the least corrupt he recognizes that the others would see him as a leader of sorts, but he was never programmed for parenting.

Across the room the tall blue one grins when he arrives. “Ohh, ’s you! Nice to have an authority figure o’ sorts. Well, actually, not really ‘authority’ per say. Not much in the way o’ that with _Her_ in charge is there? But you, you’re the leader though aren’t you? Unofficially? Something ‘bout bein’ the oldest... Well I’m not the newest core by any means but nobody younger ever listens to me do they? Nooo. S’always that dumb ol’ Wheatley never knows what he’s doin’. How’d you--?”

“Later, Wheatley. Please? I’m here for these two.” A gesture to the smaller cores playing with the tinsel.

Wheatley nods and for once reads between the lines, realizing he should move on to some other part of the party. Once he’s gone the small blond core quickly takes the ginger’s hand as she drops the tinsel. What’s he so defensive about?

“ _My_ space partner!”

Of _course_. Corrupt. Moreso than the others apparently.

“Who are you?” the ginger one asks while picking the tinsel back up.

“Uh, right. I’m Virgil. And you are… Curi?”

She only stares at him. Great. The fire must have damaged her anyway. Not destroyed her but apparently she’s not all there in the processor anymore. Life just has it out for him doesn’t it?

Yet another sigh and he makes an attempt at communication. “Well, I’m supposed to tell you that Santa can’t come to Aperture because _GLaDOS_ scared him away.” It’s the little things that make his existence tolerable under Her regime. “But! There are other things to get excited about! I think? Rainbow said he had a plan to ‘spice things up’...”

“No Santa?” Space asks.

Virgil shakes his head. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“If Santa can’t come… Space Santa can come instead!” Space shouts with glee, turning to his partner. “Space Santa! Gotta get ready for Space Santa!” And there goes the tinsel, draped haphazardly around the both of them. Well as long as they aren’t being a nuisance to anyone else.

Actually on that thought he should go check on the others.

Still chaos. As if he should have expected anything better. Ever since Mel left he’s been surrounded by idiots. Maybe he should take up that paranoid core’s advice and just hide out somewhere… No, then he wouldn’t be able to do his job as a maintenance core. The others depend on him. No-one else is left to fix them.

Orange optics scan the chaos for what he should try and reign in first.

A white core whose only working function appears to be her permanently on flashlight is slumped in a corner, unresponsive.

Two rescuees are beside her - the purple one having now devised a leash of tinsel for the red one growling like an angry dog. Impressive.

Fact is still trying to talk to the blue rescuee who is only giving a cake recipe in return. Wait, fiberglass? O _kaaay_ , moving on.

Space and Curi’s tinsel adventure has taken them to the makeshift tree in the room - some vines that have broken in from the ceiling. Not a problem so long as they don’t - oh no. “Don’t climb that! You’ll damage something! Probably yourselves!” he shouts, running over and pulling the two cores down from the rogue plants. Curi comes down easily. Space refuses to follow.

“No! Gotta get to Space Santa! Gotta go to space!”

Virgil tries tugging harder. “Space Santa isn’t up there!”

And Space Core drops like a brick, the momentum throwing Virgil backwards onto the floor. Augh. Why can’t anything ever go right? Taking a moment to re-calibrate as the smaller core runs off leaves him open for what he quickly discovers is Rainbow’s aforementioned plan - mistletoe. “Oh _come_ on!”

The colorful core dangles it over Virgil’s face with a smirk, only moving it out of the way to let the maintenance core stand up. “Ah, so the rumors are true then?”

“You-I-uh…” Is the temperature of the room rising or is he overheating?

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

As Rainbow leans in with a seductive stare, still dangling the mistletoe over them, Virgil’s internal diagnostics scream at him about his cooling system going into overdrive. “M _aaay_ be?”

He doesn’t remember if he ever actually got that kiss. What he does remember is his coolant failing and everything going black.

He reboots to more chaos than before. How is that even possible?!

In the time he’d been powered down the red core had broken loose from the purple one, Rick and Fact are now arguing, Space and Curi are nowhere to be found, where on Earth did Rainbow get a Santa hat from?, the blue core has moved from cake to cookies, Wheatley has actually found him baking supplies good god, and…

And that’s a very familiar voice on the intercom.

**“Hello, imbeciles.”**

No. No no no, not now. It may be more chaos than party but everything would work out okay. He knows it would. And then _She_ shows up. Still, the chaos hasn’t halted. The cacophony of sound almost drowns out GLaDOS’ chilling tone.

**“I’m glad to see you all enjoying the Christmas spirit.”**

“Hell yeah!” God damn it, Rick...

“The Adventure Core needs to be quiet.” Thank you. Virgil decides right then and there to find a gift for Fact later.

**“But unfortunately holidays aren’t science, and science is what we do here at Aperture. Some of you don’t quite understand this concept.”**

The room goes quiet.

**“Several years in Android Hell should fix that. I’ll be sending some escorts. Play nice.”**

When the intercom clicks off the cacophony starts back up, but this time it’s mostly frightened panic rather than over-festive cheer. Despite how much he shouts that they’re all going to be fine nobody seems to hear him.

Again the room goes quiet when the door opens to reveal two droids. A short blue one and a tall orange one. He’s seen them before in the testing tracks. GLaDOS uses them instead of human test subjects. Well, as the makeshift leader he’s got to do something.

Putting on his best glare he storms up to the droids. “Just letting you know, none of us will go willingly.”

“SPAACE!” comes a familiar shout as a streak of yellow rushes past them and out the door.

All three pause for a moment, then Virgil amends, “Well, he might. But he’s pretty broken.”

The droids glance at each other, then Virgil, and the orange one holds out something he hadn’t noticed until now. A very old and dusty box of ornaments.

“What?” As if today couldn’t get any more confusing.

They warble something in their special dialect and he barely catches a few words about GLaDOS and defiance, but it’s all he needs to shift moods. Even _She_ can’t keep everything under wraps.

A laugh emerges and he lets the droids in where they proceed to decorate the vines. With the knowledge that none of them are due to burn any time soon the festivities start back up, thankfully with the chaos toned down.

Virgil takes that as a sign he can take a break and leans against the wall, still surveying everything should somebody start being stupid again. This is much better. More like how he was picturing the party going.

For once karma doesn’t hate him.

Fact has broken the blue core out of his recipe loop and they seem to be discussing something, Curi is helping the droids decorate, the purple core has calmed the red one down and they now observe the proceedings, Wheatley’s gotten himself tangled in what’s left of the tinsel, Rick is talking with Rainbow and Virgil can just barely overhear something about flirting, and all seems right with the world. Er, room. All seems right with the room.

“SPACE FRIEND!”

Mostly.

Space core rushes back inside, a new face brought with him. White and black clothes, short stature.

Virgil panics. “And _why_ did you bring a turret?!”

Dead silence as everyone else freezes. Just when everything is looking up, somebody throws a wrench into the plan.

“Space Mitten…” the small core utters dejectedly and Virgil himself freezes, unsure of what to do. Is Mitten the turret? Turrets are only supposed to shoot test subjects but sometimes their software bugs out because the cores look so much like humans. Many a core have come to him for repairs from bullet wounds.

“Nah, that one’s cool!” shouts Rick from across the room. Slowly several other cores chime in about knowing this particular turret. All right then. If they can vouch for the turret...

Virgil sighs. “Just... don’t shoot anyone, okay? Really, I’ve had enough crazy today. I shouldn’t have to also worry about dodging bullets.”

The turret nods eagerly and follows Space in and over to the vines, probably to help decorate and end up causing more chaos.

Slumping back against the wall from exhaustion, Virgil finds his optics shutting for a moment’s rest. Being a host is hard. Especially when your attendees are corrupt cores. But humans throw Christmas parties and it only seemed right to lighten the mood in the dreary facility.

The party sounds slowly fade as he drifts into sleep mode. The last thing he hears that evening is a horribly out of tune Christmas carol from familiar voices all around the room.  


* * *

  
You know what? Fine. She can deal with this. It’s not like Blue and Orange hadn’t finished their testing track anyhow. It gives her time to set up a new one. _It’s fine_. She’ll punish them for insubordination later by making these next tests even more difficult. Maybe involving having to kill each other to solve them? Yes that sounds good.

She shuts off the security camera in the rejected core room, not caring what befalls any of them. Their usefulness had long run out. Certainly she could destroy any of them with some effort, but where is the fun in a quick death? Perhaps they deserve their little party - a tiny spark of hope and happiness to be drowned out soon after by their pointless existence in an uncaring world. A fitting punishment.

Softly humming an old Christmas carol, GLaDOS begins work on a new co-op testing track. After all, Christmas or no, there is science to be done.

**Author's Note:**

> For those unaware, Mitten is one of drawinggalaxy's turret OCs. I thought it nice to include a cameo :)


End file.
